I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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