Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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