If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
