I wish my penis had an off switch
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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