Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
