I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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