I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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