I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
