I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
organizing the empties. That sober.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
