Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
