put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
