Will you blow on my dice?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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