They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
