There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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