just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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