Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
