Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
