Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
