dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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