the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
