It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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