I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
