So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
