there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
