yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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