It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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