So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
