From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
