what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
