he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
