Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
