dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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