Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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