shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
