sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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