Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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