He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
