Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
