I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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