listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
