apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
