apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
