i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
