how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
