I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
