Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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