i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
