No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
