Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
