Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
