in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
