He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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