Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
