so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
