I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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