omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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