Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
