Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
