The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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