5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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