It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
