I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
