Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
