i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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