Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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