Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
