dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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