Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
