im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
