i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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