He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
try to milk me bitch
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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