I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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