Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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