White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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