Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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