You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
