He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to calm my uterus...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
