Will you blow on my dice?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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