He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
