you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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